That's not a knock. It's actually the official motto of the Fantasy Baseball Chamber of Commerce, if you believe that's a thing.
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Unlike fantasy football, where you can basically just hang out for four or five days a week, you constantly have to tend to your fantasy baseball team. Put it this way: A fantasy football team is like an 11-year-old that you can leave on its own for at least a little while; a fantasy baseball team is like a 2-year-old that will immediately get into the cupboard under the sink and take a few hits of Drano if you simply leave the room to change your shirt.
But like a giggling, gassy toddler, fantasy baseball still brings us plenty of joyful moments. Here are my five favorite days on the fantasy calendar.
Draft Day. Come on, nothing beats draft day. Even if you don’t like your pick, you go in with a clean slate and could potentially put together a powerhouse club that will become a wire-to-wire champion. You wait for your sleepers, you make fun of others for taking potential busts, and at the end, you have a core group of players who will alter your mood for the next six months. You should really be required to have a prescription from your doctor to play fantasy sports, when you think about it. Either way, draft day is the best – unless there’s some a-hole in your league who uses the full time allotted to make their pick.
Opening Day. As the old saying goes, everyone is tied for first place on Opening Day, and that’s true in fantasy leagues, too. It’s always remarkable how quickly you can fall back into your routine of watching games and checking box scores, perfectly timing each click to coincide with your players’ at-bats. There’s a certain grace to it, like a nerdy swan taking flight. You might have a little rust to shake off, especially if you have two pitchers throwing at the same time or some other momentous task, but it doesn’t seem to matter on Opening Day. You might even stay up until the end of the West Coast games and let the soothing sounds of Vin Scully or Dick Enberg take you off to see the Sandman. Ahhh…
Monday of All-Star Week. This might seem like a terrible day since there’s no baseball, but let’s face it – by mid-July, this is a sorely needed break. Four days off is probably too long – I normally start feeling the itch for games to resume by Wednesday afternoon – but we all need a little time off. It’s one of the 10 Commandments, after all, you heathen.
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Fantasy Trade Deadline Day. This might not be a big deal in some leagues, but in highly competitive leagues – particularly keeper leagues – there tends to be a crescendo of trade action around this time (usually in early August). It’s when you get down to brass tacks and decide whether you’re all-in on the rest of the baseball season or you’re all-in on your fantasy football prep. A nice subplot of deadline day is the bitching and potential vetoing that results from various trades. Rarely do you see grown men (and the occasional woman) act in such unbecomingly dorky ways.
Last Day of the Season. A winner is crowned, which is great for the winner, but more than anything, everyone is freed from their Sisyphusian duty for at least five months. You can enjoy the playoffs, focus more on fantasy football, talk to your family maybe, and not think about that time you started Jarred Cosart and he gave up eight runs in 1.1 innings.
Clearly, we’ve all picked a great hobby. Go enjoy it, and really make the most of the days listed above. If you can’t enjoy them, then it’s really going to be a terrible summer.
